No, my book isn't out yet...
The highs and lows of a book deal, one year later
A year ago, I took a walk around the block. My novel was out on submission and I had just heard from my agent about my first rejection:
“…I think our audience would expect it to be a little bit more plot-driven”
I thought I would be more sad about the rejection, but I wasn’t. I was elated. In order to get a rejection, you have to have a book. And that book has to be on submission. and an editor has to read that book. And all of those things were happening to me.
I walked and walked. My neighbor’s tree was in bloom, these giant fists of white, ostentatious wedding dress-type flowers. So white, so eager. I stopped and took a picture of one of them with my phone, why? I just wanted to remember this moment.
My novel was out on submission. My novel was out on submission. It was the strangest feeling I’ve ever experienced: to want something since I was a child and then get it, or at least get the chance to have it. It was like a yell echoing backward through my whole life.
Two days later, my book sold.
That was a year ago. My book still isn’t out, though it does have a cover and a new title and has been rewritten three times (?!) and is infinitely better than the book I sold.
When my book went out on submission, my writing coach texted me, enjoy the ride. and at the time, I didn’t exactly get what she meant. Now, I do.
The Highs
My editor. When I sold my book, I told my agent that my main goal was to find an editor who would do a deep edit because I felt like the book was still missing something important. Damn, my editor delivered. She was able to pinpoint the main issue that was causing all the other smaller plot issues, and I’m so much happier with the book as it is now.
Finding a community. Since selling my book, I’ve gotten to know so many other debut authors, in Portland and around the world. I’ve joined a writer’s collaborative. I put together a monthly Zoom for 2025 debut novelists. Now, when I have a question about covers or jacket copy or whether or not to start a substack, I have like 10 people to text. Also, two of my closest friends got book deals in the months after mine, and another close friend is finishing up a book to start querying and another close friend is finishing up a proposal to send out on submission.
Me and my bestie Amanda who have the same literary agency and both sold books to S&S within months of each other <3 The milestones. Flying to NYC to meet my editor. Getting to see my cover. Going into Simon & Schuster to meet the team. Sending off my manuscript for the very last time. Holding the early galleys. Getting my first blurb!
Starting my second book, and seeing how much my writing has changed in the past five years and how much more confidence I have in my narrative choices.
A couple months after selling my book, I sent
a desperate email that was like: HELP ME IM CONFUSED AND SCARED. And she did help me, so so much. I will write another post in more detail about the people I have brought in to help me, but it’s made such a difference to start building a team of wise, trustworthy advisors.Having kids makes it all so much harder, and so much better. I always remember that about thirty minutes after I sold my book, my nanny had to go home and I was changing a diaper while also making noodles while also trying to transform an Optimus Prime that had hummus on it. Which is to say, my kids have made this whole experience so much easier for me emotionally. I just have very little time to spin out with anxiety, and the intensity and physicality of caregiving keeps me grounded.
The Lows
It’s hard to be new at something. I remember this from when I was starting out as a copywriter, or starting out again as a freelance journalist. It’s hard to feel like you don’t know the norms or nuances of an industry. I’m like the intern in the meeting always asking, “um what does [insert publishing term] mean?” I feel like this has gotten harder as I get older and more confident. Because how do you show up with confidence when you don’t even know what you don’t know?
When I sent off the book for the very last time, I felt a kind of a pang of loss. It was hard to identify in the moment because I was (of course) scrambling to get it done on time. But in the days afterward, I felt almost overcome with sadness.
Turning down journalism assignments that I really really really wanted to do, and putting some projects (ahem, climate podcast) on the back burner.
There have been moments of the past year that have felt very lonely. Decisions I’ve had to make alone. Feelings and anxieties that were just hard to articulate because of how niche this moment is.
That time Airmail wrote about my book deal to highlight bad decision-making within the publishing industry lol — no that didn’t cause any sleepless nights, I swear.
The fact that every human I know asks me “Is your book out yet?” EVERY TIME I SEE THEM. The handyman was at the house last week fixing a door and was like, “Oh is your book out yet?” There is a 22-month gap between selling my book and my pub date, and holy crap, that time is crawling by. The past year has felt so strange, like I’m just suspended. Very similar to being pregnant, where everyone is like, “Rest now while you can!” or “Do everything you can to prepare!” but rest how? prepare how?
What’s next?
My book doesn’t come out for another 9 months, and I’m hoping to use that time to be with my kids as much as possible and to finish the draft of my second book. For those of you who have published books, what else should I be doing? What do you wish you had done in this weird long waiting period before your book comes out? And for other debut authors, how are you passing the time during this weird waiting period? What have your highs and lows looked like?
What is Just One More Question? This newsletter came about because I feel like so much online writing is about answers (I get it, click bait and algorithms and all that), but all I have are questions. I wanted a place to write about the questions I’m chewing on.
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My neighbor Vinnie asks me every day when the book is coming out. Haven't even written it, honey!! Profoundly grateful to be on this journey with you.
9 months countdown is a go!